


Library Knows Best

by Gemm



Series: The Fix-It Chronicles [1]
Category: Carmilla (Web Series), Carmilla - All Media Types, Carmilla - Fandom
Genre: Canon Compliant, Carmilla knows how to say the word 'Laura', F/F, Fix-It, Hollstein-centric, LaF is not featured, Light Angst, Mid Season 0, My First Work in This Fandom, Post-Season/Series 02, We deserve nice things., sentient library
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-15
Updated: 2015-12-15
Packaged: 2018-05-03 17:47:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5300873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gemm/pseuds/Gemm
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Post Season 2/ Mid Season 0 'fix it' fic.</p><p>Laura, Carmilla and LaF are still cloistered in the Library, but not by choice. It's been at least three or four days by their calculations and all they really want to do is get the hell out of the cursed place. The problem is the Library doesn't want them to go and is hiding the exit. With nothing to do but think, read, and sleep it's inevitable that Hollstein will finally get a chance to talk about some of the big issues that have plagued their relationship during the last semester, right? Right.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A Brief Note to Readers,
> 
> So I, like many others, hated the treatment of our pair this season. I just really wanted things to be fixed and since I am unsure how Season 3 looks, and Season 0 did nothing in the way of advancing plot/relationship (yeah whatever it wasn't supposed to I know that) I decided to fix the damn thing myself. This is Part One and yes it is rated T because I wanted this to be accessible to everyone in the fandom and explicit physical activities did not fit with the overarching theme of reconciliation. Part Two (release unknown) will be M/E and the focus will be on the physical relationship with perhaps some plot thrown in.
> 
> While reading you can expect a bit of residual angst from the previous season but it is NOT drawn out at all. It is addressed and dealt with. As a matter of fact, that is the entire theme of this story. Addressing the shitstorm that was S2 from episode 15 on, and finding a way to work through it. The last 5 episodes of Season 0 had not happened when I wrote this so I did not address anything there. Actually I'm doing everything in my power to forget the whole thing existed to begin with...
> 
> Special thank you to my beta readers - Emily, Rosa, and Anja who had some great feedback for me and helped to tighten the story where it needed it. Any and all errors or bad bits found are now officially mine.
> 
> I welcome comments of all kinds. Constructive criticism is not only welcomed, it is encouraged. Thanks for reading!
> 
> The poem is by Russian poet Alexander Pushkin [1820] is is titled 'I Loved You'.
> 
> (Side note: The formatting on this website makes me crazy. Paragraphs should be indented ffs!)
> 
> And now, onto the story. Enjoy everyone! 
> 
> ~Gem~

***********************************************************************************************************************************************************************************

 

"Hey."

The sultry voice pulled Laura from her introspection and she opened her eyes to focus on the figure in front of her. Carmilla. Specifically, Carmilla in leather. Carrying chocolate. Oh boy.

"Hey."

"I cleaned out the last of the snacks from the vending machine. Thought you might be interested. It's been a while since you ate anything."

Laura smiled wanly at the goodies cradled in Carmilla's hands and patted the spot next to her on the floor.

"Thanks. I wish we could get LaF to eat something though."

Carmilla dropped the snacks in a pile in front of the other girl and gracefully lowered herself to the spot offered.

"Eh. I left a few things over where they've been sleeping. I wouldn't worry too much."

"That was sweet. Thanks."

Carmilla shrugged noncommittally and poked her chin at the pile. Laura took the hint and dug around looking for something with slightly less sugar content than a vat of cotton candy. She settled on the last bag of chips and, with a disgruntled sigh, opened them.

"I would do anything for a salad right now," she muttered.

Carmilla glanced at the shorter girl and smirked; she couldn't pass up such a good opportunity.

"Anything huh?"

Laura froze mid-chew and tried to ignore the sudden tingle the thought of 'anything' inspired. Giving a mental shrug, she swallowed and decided to play along. "Sure, do you have a super-secret salad stash I should know about?"

Carmilla made a face and Laura grinned, willing the blush she was sure was staining her cheeks to fade quickly. She decided to steer the subject into safer territory. "So how long do you think we've been trapped in here anyway?"

Carmilla smiled knowingly at the subject change. "A few days. It took at least a full day to finish that stupid video you insisted on watching and you've slept twice since then."

Laura crumpled the now empty bag of chips and placed it with the rest of the trash that had accumulated. A thought struck her as she noticed the sheer amount of junk she had consumed over such a short period of time and she eyed her companion surreptitiously. The vampire was dressed in her signature leather pants, black t-shirt, and a black leather jacket. Her hair was done into a messy bun and her makeup had long since been rubbed off. She was leaned against the wall with one knee cocked up and an arm draped casually over it, staring off into the never-ending depths of the massive building. Was it just the bad lighting or did she seem paler than usual? Laura took a closer look. No, not the lighting. She was definitely paler than usual.  "I don't suppose you've had anything to eat since we've been here."

Carmilla looked over at Laura and pressed her lips into a grim line. "Don't worry cupcake. I don't plan on using you or Radical Ed as juice boxes anytime soon."

Laura was caught by the look in Carmilla's eyes. She couldn't tell exactly what it was but it suddenly made her tongue feel like it was glued to the roof of her mouth. She licked her lips and shook her head, breaking free of whatever spell she was temporarily held by. She was afraid she had given the wrong impression.

"That's not what I ... What I meant was if you did ...you know ... need to eat ... or something ... you could," Laura gestured vaguely to her neck, "I would understand."

She glanced back at her companion to see if she understood what she was trying to say. The sight of her stark beauty and the play of emotions showing in Carmilla's face made her heart race, her palms sweat, and did absolutely nothing for her capacity for speech. Their gazes locked for a moment and the intensity in Carmilla's eyes took her breath away. Laura caught herself staring and quickly shifted her eyes to the abyss of books stretched out before her. She took a slow breath and tried to compose herself. That had been happening a lot the last few days. She needed to get a hold of her stupid emotions. Now was really not the time for - well for anything really.

The silence stretched out and anxiety pooled in Laura's stomach.  She wondered if she had said something wrong. Why didn't Carmilla say something? Should she not have mentioned it? Was it impolite or something? Was there a rule about offering yourself as sustenance to the undead? God, why wasn't there some sort of handbook she could read. She didn't know what was right and what was wrong and she felt like she was going to scream if Carmilla didn't speak soon. Finally, after Laura had worked herself into a near frenzy of nerves and half formed apologies, Carmilla cleared her throat and spoke. Her voice was slightly more husky than usual, but Laura thought it must be the dust.

"I'll be okay. I have brain gummies. Besides, nine days is my limit remember?" Carmilla snagged a pack of the candies, opened them, popped a few in her mouth and chewed absently; all the while studiously examining the floor in front of her like the answer to her existence was carved into it.

Laura, back in control of her panicky inner thought process, self-consciously chuckled over the memory and pushed her hair behind her ear as relief flooded her. Good. Not an unforgivable faux pas, just Carmilla being Carmilla. As usual.

She responded, "Ah, of course. The infamous starvation diet. How could I forget."

The strange moment over, they shared a small grin and allowed the subject to close. Quietness fell over them, but this time it was a comfortable one. Something that used to come easily, but had lately been filled with shattered promises, ruined trusts, and failed expectations. Now their silence was broken only by the far away whispers of their current residence and the soft breathing of the pair. Laura felt herself start to relax as she allowed her brain a brief respite from the current situation and thought back to when they had been together. The quiet whoosh of their joint exhales reminded Laura of late nights spent lying in bed after all the crazy of the day, tangled safely around one another and contentedly drifting off to sleep.

It hadn't lasted long, but those days had been wonderful. If Laura was being honest with herself, she was probably willing to do almost anything to have them back again. Maybe when this mess was over...she bit back a frustrated groan. She had said that before all this chaos. The night Carmilla had kissed her and she had almost given in. She had been so close... Laura sighed to herself and shifted her thoughts away from those wonderful memories because the pain that inevitably accompanied them made her feel like she was being split in half.

It wasn't long before her contemplations took a left turn and wandered down the well-trod path of the much less pleasant recent events again. Instead of the horrible pain, she felt the familiar despair settle over her and this time she was just too tired to stop it. Laura was still in shock over everything that had happened and hadn't yet figured out how exactly to cope, so she found herself pointlessly rehashing events and looking for the answers almost constantly. The process had done nothing but cause pain so far so, in an attempt to find peace, she had busied herself over the last several days trying to just bury it all. It was proving to be a herculean task. One Laura wasn't sure she could accomplish by herself. She wasn't one to give up though, so she created a distraction by trying to find a way out of the Library - with no luck.

It didn't help that everything kept moving around – nothing was ever in the same spot from one hour to the next – so they couldn't reliably cover everywhere. Especially when it was just Laura looking because LaF was out of it most of the time and Carmilla was inevitably reading, much to Laura's chagrin. When she had confronted the lackadaisical vampire about not helping, Carmilla had rolled her eyes and told her they just had to 'wait it out' before promptly turning back to her book.

Laura shook her head and let it fall against the wall behind her. It had been a long day of fruitlessly searching for a way out and she was tired – physically as well as emotionally. The dank atmosphere was enough to eclipse even the sunniest of dispositions, not to mention the whirlwind of emotions that blasted her each time Carmilla was near and the constant rehashing of recent events that she couldn't make her mind stop doing. Maybe she would just close her eyes for a little while...

 

#

 

Carmilla waited until Laura's breathing had deepened before she allowed herself to do more than sneak glances at her. It had taken her that long to get a grip on the urge to grab the girl and kiss her until both of their lips were bruised and bloody. The fact that Laura had offered to let her feed from her... It was almost more than Carmilla could comprehend. She let her gaze wander across the planes of Laura's face in a way she couldn't do when the girl was awake – or at least when she could actually catch her in the act.

She allowed herself to remember the details that she usually avoided thinking about – or even noticing.  Like the small dimple that appeared out of nowhere when Laura smiled wide. Or the way her eyes lit up enough to put the sun to shame if someone did something nice for her. Or, the most painful memory of all, the soft sounds of pleasure that Carmilla had been learning to coax from her perfectly shaped mouth - or the way her face was always a picture of determination when it was her turn to do the learning. Carmilla could almost feel the silky smooth surface of Laura’s stomach and the soft fullness of her breasts under her hands if she concentrated for more than a second or two. She closed her eyes against the feelings those memories brought. She couldn't afford to let herself examine them right now. Besides, she knew what she was feeling.

She missed Laura. She missed her like crops in the middle of a drought missed the rain. And, even worse, she still loved her. Being this close to her, seeing her beautiful countenance relaxed in sleep as it had been so many times before as she lay in Carmilla's arms was almost enough to break the centuries-old apathetic creature. She wanted to beg forgiveness and tell her that she would do whatever Laura wanted if only they could get back what they once had. But she knew it was hopeless. She couldn't do that – to either of them.

Carmilla was willing to change, but she wasn't willing to live a lie - even though a small part of her whispered that it would only be for a little while. Laura's life was nothing but a blip on the radar of Carmilla's undead existence. She ignored the voice with effort because, as tempting as it was, deceiving the woman she loved wasn't the answer to any of this. As unlike her as it was, Carmilla knew that the solution to their problems was going to be found in the discussion of them. As much as she just wanted to kiss and cuddle their way out of the mess they had made of their relationship and forget any of the bad had ever happened, she knew it wouldn't work. It would always be looming over their shoulders and sneaking up in moments of silence and contemplation to cause hurt and pain.

She let out a breath of irritation and rested her forehead on her raised knee. The question was how to start. As fond of talking as Laura was, the last few days had been an exercise in verbal gymnastics to get her to express herself and it was a sport that Carmilla was rapidly reaching her limits of expertise with. She briefly considered roping the mad scientist into helping but discarded it almost as quickly. The bio-major was worse than useless these days. After they had set up the Ethernet connection they had rapidly spiraled down into a pit of quasi-madness and spent most of their time wandering the stacks and muttering to the walls.

Carmilla dropped her head back to rest against the wall and stared up at the ceiling. She considered their other, perhaps more pressing, problem. Mother. She was back and they didn't have a single idea of her plan, or where she was, or what she was doing, and they wouldn't until they got out of here and found out what was going on in the real world and to do that – Carmilla let out an exasperated breath. She was going in circles again. There was nothing they could do about any of it until they found a way out of the Library. So, that meant they had to convince the Library to let them go. Easier said than done. The question was why though. What could possibly be the purpose of keeping them locked in here all alone for so long? Why didn't it just release them to either go their separate ways, or fight the big bad?

As Carmilla contemplated their predicament an idea began to form. Maybe all of this was a plan to make sure Mother was defeated for good this time. Maybe the Library was doing all it could to assure itself that the group was as prepared as they could be when it freed them. She was nodding to herself as it began to make a strange kind of sense. Maybe the Library wanted to establish that they wouldn't go their separate ways because the best way to defeat Mother was to do it together. After all, she and Laura – along with the ginger squad - made a good team. What they really needed to do was regroup and heal so they could face whatever unspeakable horrors the former Dean had in store for them when they returned. The Library knew that, and it was trying to help them do it.

A plan started to take on a loose shape in her mind and Carmilla smiled to herself. Perhaps the situation wasn't as hopeless as it seemed. With one last longing look at Laura, she rose and headed in the last known direction of the poetry section to begin her plan. She needed to find a particular verse. Poets were better at the feelings thing than she was anyway.

 

#

 

Laura was frozen. She couldn't pull herself away from the sight of the fire making its way slowly up Vordenburg's body. He was screaming, and twitching, and trying to dance away from the flames but they were steadily consuming every part of him they touched. Time slowed so that every second felt like a minute and every minute felt like an hour and still she couldn't look away. Finally, nothing was left of him except a skeleton of blackened bones wreathed in living flames and eyes that burned with betrayal and hatred. Laura thought that it must be over because what else could happen but the terrible once-man falling to the ground and dissolving into ash? Her unspoken question was answered in the worst way when, instead of disintegrating and releasing her locked muscles so she could run, the burning pyre of once-human flesh turned to her and pointed a blazing finger in blistering accusation. The jaw unhinged and a dead, smoke-damaged voice rang in her head so loudly she was jolted from her paralysis and instinctively covered her ears. Her hands did nothing to dampen the impact of the words, complete with ridiculous accent, that cut her deeper than any knife could.

"This is your fault Fraulein Hollis. You did this to me. It's all your..."

"NO!"

Laura was pulled violently from the nightmare dreamscape by her own voice shouting denial of the all-too-true allegations. Disoriented, she frantically tried to push herself up and away from the horrible image that had filled her sight just moments before but, before she could enter full blown panic mode, she became aware of the familiar sensation of hands alternately clasping her tightly and rubbing soothing circles over her back. The comforting contact was coupled with a cascade of calming words spoken so low that they were more like a quiet hum than anything else. Without wanting to think about it too closely, Laura relaxed into Carmilla's embrace and buried her burning face in her lap. She took comfort in the soft warmth wrapped around her, all the while trying to shake the confusing aftereffect of the dream. Laura's arm snaked around the other girl's waist of its own accord and she pulled in deep draughts of Carmilla-scented air, allowing it to envelope her for a few heady moments before reluctantly coming back to herself and remembering that this was not allowed. Carmilla wasn't hers anymore.

Laura pulled away and avoided eye contact as she pushed herself off of Carmilla's lap (how did she get there anyway?) and put a little distance between the two of them. Only when she was sure that she wouldn't start blubbering like a fool did she apprehensively look up at the other girl. Carmilla's arm was still resting casually on Laura's shoulder in an achingly familiar way and she was regarding her with soft and inviting eyes. Laura ducked her head to escape the sudden yearning to fall back into Carmilla's lap and, instead, ran her fingers through her tangled hair to try and get a handle on the odd situation.

"Sorry about that. Nightmare I guess. And sorry about the lap thing. I must have been moving around in my sleep and..." Carmilla chuckled and Laura trailed off, a look of confusion on her face. The corner of her mouth lifted in automatic response and she asked, "What?"

Carmilla removed her hand from Laura's shoulder and captured a stray lock of her hair between her own fingers. She played with it briefly before tucking it behind Laura's ear and letting her hand fall to her own lap. She smiled fondly, "You fell asleep sitting up, so I moved you. Didn't want you to wake up with a sore neck. Nothing to apologize for."

"Oh. Thanks. How long was I out?"

Carmilla shrugged and shifted to a more comfortable position now that she was able to move again. She hid the grimace that threatened as her stiff muscles protested being flexed after so many hours of inactivity. "All night? I don't know. I dozed off for a while too."

"What? You let me sleep on your lap all night? Why would you do that? It couldn't have been comfortable!"

"Oh, how soon we forget," she teased. "Vampire constitution ring a bell?"

Laura bit her lip and smiled slightly at the memory, "How could I forget? That was the night you told me about waltzing and how scandalous it was when you were..."

She stumbled over the last words. Carmilla mistook the pause and finished her sentence, all signs of levity gone, "Not a monster?"

Laura furrowed her brow and shook her head, "No. I was going to say 'still human'."

Carmilla pursed her lips and made a sound of acknowledgement but didn't comment further. Laura was suddenly struck with the realization that Carmilla thought she still considered her a monster, which was so far from the truth it would be funny if it wasn't so sad. Laura reached out and clasped Carmilla's arm tightly to get her attention.

"Hey."

She looked at her with a raised brow. Laura met her eyes steadily, her gaze intense with the importance of what she was about to say.

"I don't think you're a monster. I told you, whatever you were before – you've changed. Even after Mattie got ki - died, you could've done horrible things. You could've killed me right then. Or ... or Danny. A monster would have. But you didn't. Instead you got captured, and almost killed, trying to help us. It isn't your fault it didn't work. It's.... Well if we're being totally honest – It's mine."

 Laura searched Carmilla's face for a sign that she believed her but was stymied by the stoic set of her finely sculpted features. She pursed her lips and let her hand fall from Carmilla in defeat. Her shoulders sagged and she was abruptly very annoyed and more than a little sad. Why couldn't Carmilla understand that Laura didn't think of her like that? That she cared about her? That she thought she was wonderful and beautiful and funny and a whole host of other fantastic things. And why did it matter so much to Laura that Carmilla didn't understand? It wasn't Laura's fault. And it wasn't her problem anymore anyway right? Was it? They were broken up. Still, they were friends- at least she thought they were friends. And Laura still cared even if Carmilla didn't... Anyway, it couldn't be Laura's fault. She had tried to explain on several occasions. Carmilla was just stubborn. Or maybe... maybe this was just one more thing to add onto the pile of things that Laura had failed at.

Laura could feel the recriminations starting and felt helpless to fight them off. The bubble of depression that filled her chest more often than not these days started to balloon, threatening to envelop her with its crushing darkness. She needed to be alone. She needed to move. Without another word, she stood and tossed the brown mystery blanket to the side and prepared to make the trek to wherever the bathroom decided to be today.

"Where're you going?"

"To find the bathroom. And maybe see if I can find the exit while I'm at it."

"I'll go with you."

"No! I mean... No. I can find it myself. Don't worry about it. I'll be fine." The last thing Laura needed right now was a broody vampire tagging along.

Carmilla eyed her suspiciously for a moment before picking up the discarded book by her side. "Fine. If you need me just yell. I'll hear you."

Laura flashed a small smile she didn't feel at the dark head bent over small print and hurried off into the direction the bathroom had been last night, hoping that she could make it there before the tears came.

 

#

 

Carmilla sighed. She shifted her position. Flipped the pages of her book. Read the same line for the fifth time. Sighed again. It was no use. She couldn't concentrate. Laura had been gone for too long. The Library was dangerous – even if it hadn't seemed that way on this trip – and the cupcake was wandering around. Alone. And upset. She had looked upset. Carmilla cursed herself silently for letting her go off by herself. She probably wasn't paying any attention to where she was going or what was happening around her. Logically, Carmilla knew that Laura could hold her own – she was no helpless little girl – but the vampire couldn't stop the worry from creeping up on her. Laura was going to get herself hurt. Carmilla couldn't let that happen.

She huffed in resignation and tossed her book to the side, rising in one smooth movement. She stretched her cramped muscles and rolled her shoulders, while she decided which direction to start in. Opting for the obvious choice of where Laura had first disappeared, she strode off, eyes sharp and ears attuned to any sounds that weren't lost whispers.

After only a few minutes of searching, Carmilla found the door to the bathroom surprisingly close to where it had been yesterday. She rapped sharply on the darkened wood as a warning and entered, anxious to find her human.

"Laura?" she called.

No answer. Her eyes swept the small space twice and she bent down to peer under the stalls just to be sure, but Laura wasn't there. She couldn't hear her either. Damn. She turned and exited just as quickly as she had entered. If she wasn't in the bathroom, then that meant she was roaming around and most likely lost. Carmilla rested her fists on her hips and looked down the nearby stacks. There wasn't any visible clue as to where she might have gone after leaving the bathroom. 

"Well, this'll be a kick," Carmilla said to the empty air and shook her head with bemusement before heading down the nearest row of books to begin her search.

It was at least an hour later, maybe more, and Laura was nowhere to be found. Carmilla had long ago abandoned bemusement, passed worried, and was now rushing headlong into desperation. She knew what the Library was like. One wrong move and next thing you knew you were in a deadly vortex of 18th-century poets out for blood. Or worse. And Laura was too brave to back down from a fight if it came, as evidenced by the last two semesters at Silas. If that happened she might lose, and Carmilla would lose her. That couldn't be allowed. Not now, not when the vampire had finally found someone to love that might love her back just the way she was.

Carmilla cut short the panic-stricken inner monologue and took a steadying breath. She considered climbing to the top of the nearest stack and yelling to see if Laura answered but discarded it just as quickly. She didn't want to piss the place off. She would have to stick to the ground just in case the Library wasn't as benevolent as it had seemed lately.

Carmilla growled with mounting anger at the endless labyrinth and massaged her temples to ward off the tension growing there. Gritting her teeth, she bit back a curse and considered her options. She tried to tamp down the tendril of alarm that was trying to take control by thinking reasonably. She had been all over the massive maze of literature and there wasn't a single sign of Laura anywhere. Where could she have gone? Carmilla turned helplessly, looking everywhere her eyes could reach. There was nothing reasonable about this building. It was like Laura had just vanished into thin air. How big could this place be anyway? Stupid question. As big as it wanted to be of course. That was the problem with sentient buildings, they never stuck to their original square footage.

First things first. She couldn't just keep drifting around aimlessly. Time was ticking and the longer Carmilla didn't know where Laura was, the more time Laura had to get herself into trouble. Okay. Another deep breath. She needed to be methodical about this. There was only one aisle from this position that she hadn't gone down yet. She would try that, and if Laura wasn't there, then she would go back to their sleeping area and start again. Carmilla strode purposefully down the stack and decided that calling out wasn't a bad idea after all.

"Laura?" she called, voice raised slightly higher than a normal speaking tone.

"Laura! Can you hear me? Where are you?" A little louder this time.

Still nothing. As she neared the end of the stack, she noticed that where it ended, instead of more blank wall leading to yet more useless volumes, there seemed to be some sort of alcove hidden away. Maybe Laura had found her way there? A flash of color caught her eye. She frowned. What was that? It looked...orange?

Carmilla picked up her pace, all the while trying to make out what she was seeing. Within a few steps she was trotting and found herself fast approaching the strange splash of color in an otherwise colorless landscape of the printed word. She came to the end of the stack and stopped abruptly. What the creeping hell?

"A chesterfield. Of course. There is a chesterfield sofa in the middle of a headstrong Library on the campus of an evil university. Makes perfect sense." Carmilla rolled her eyes and shook her head in exasperation. Sometimes even she didn't understand what was going on in this place. She glanced around briefly. And of course, Laura wasn't here. She turned and resigned herself to finding her way back to the sleeping space, holding onto the hope that Laura was there waiting for her. As she started to walk off, a flash of blue peeking from behind yet another endless stack caught her eye. Carmilla turned and squinted in the dim light to get a closer look. She couldn't quite make it out from here. She stepped closer.  It looked like.... was that Laura's shirt? And was that her...

"Laura! No!"

Carmilla rounded the corner faster than any human could have, only to find the small form of her ex-girlfriend slumped against the solid wall of books. The sharp scent of blood flooded her nose as she leaned closer to examine Laura's prone form. Carmilla could feel the panic clutch at her like a drowning man trying to pull her into the sea's chaotic depths as she took in the sight of the girl's pallid face and limp body. With a mighty effort she squashed the urge to succumb and gathered Laura in her arms, careful not to jostle her too much before she could assess the damage.

"Laura? Laura, can you hear me? Hey... are you there? It's me. Come on, wake up..."

Carmilla carefully brushed caramel-colored tresses from the pale face of the girl in her lap and quickly discovered where the smell of blood was coming from. The gash across Laura's forehead from the final battle had somehow been busted open, allowing a moderate rivulet of blood to ooze out and cover one cheek. There was a large knot that hadn't been there before, almost directly beneath the cut. It looked like something had hit her in the head, but even though she was unconscious it didn't look too bad. Carmilla glanced around instinctively to see if there was any immediate danger, but all she saw was a large volume lying to the side. Maybe it had fallen. It didn't matter right now. What mattered was getting Laura awake. She tried again, alternately stroking and patting her cheek while leaning close to speak into her ear.

"Laura. Hey Laura. Wake up. Come on, it's time to wake up."

Carmilla was rewarded for her efforts with a slight groan and the fluttering of eyelids. She stroked Laura's face a few more times and continued to urge her to wake up. At last her eyes opened and she stared at Carmilla blearily.

"Carm? I had the weirdest dream. It was horrible. We broke up, and Danny killed Mattie, and I killed...Oh." Carmilla could see the exact moment reality came crashing back to the spitfire in her lap and the relief that had started to spread through her chest was dampened by sorrow.

"That wasn't a dream was it?" Laura asked in a small voice.

Carmilla shook her head sadly and gave Laura a grim smile. How she wished she could tell her it had all just been a bad dream. The injured girl blinked several times and tried to rise but Carmilla held her in place, not willing to let her go just yet.

"Whoa there Nancy Drew. Not so fast. Your investigation seems to have gotten you into trouble. Again. Just sit tight for a minute and get adjusted to being conscious before you get up. I don't need you fainting as soon as you stand."

Laura nodded, her face serious, and closed her eyes.

"What happened?" she whispered.

"I don't know. You tell me."

Laura opened her eyes and stared intently at the face above her. Carmilla tried to ignore the look and distracted herself by blotting the blood off of Laura's cheek with the corner of her shirt. After a few minutes she couldn't take the scrutiny any longer and felt compelled to defend her previous statement.

"What? I really don't know. You were gone for a long time, so I came looking for you. I found you knocked out and bleeding, and now here we are. I have no idea how you got this way."

Laura tried to rise again, but the movement elicited a grimace of pain.

"Here, lean on me."

Carmilla hefted the girl to her feet, holding her tightly to her side to make sure she didn't fall. Once they were upright, Laura groaned, "I don't think I can make it back right now. Can we rest somewh - Uh, Carm?"

"Hmm?"

"What's a couch doing in the middle of the Library?"

Carmilla chuckled and started to guide them towards the unsightly sofa, "Your guess is as good as mine cutie. One thing you can be sure of though."

"What's that?"

"It's bound to beat the floor."

The duo shared a shaky laugh and slowly made their way over to the offending piece of furniture to find out.

 

#

 

Laura reluctantly released Carmilla's waist and lowered herself onto the hideous orange couch, taking care not to move her head too much. She was feeling a little woozy and any fast movements caused her stomach to roil. She tried to remember what had happened. Crying a little in the bathroom but then telling herself to suck it up, wandering around again trying to find an exit and getting turned around, hearing a strange noise from above her head...and then Carmilla's worried face floating above her. Her brows drew together and she bit her lip in concentration, ignorant of anything around her.

"If you think any harder, you may combust. Slow down there Sherlock." Carmilla showed her the cover of the tome in her hands. "Recognize this?"

Laura jumped guiltily and quickly eyed the title to cover her lapse of attentiveness. She grimaced, " _How to Spot Demonic Possessions and Other Facts You Need to Know_? No. Why would I recognize that?"

Carmilla gestured towards the area they had come from. "It was on the floor next to you. I think this is what caused that mountain growing out of your skull."

Laura absently fingered the large knot on her forehead and tried to recall if she had seen it before. Maybe she had tripped over...

"Seriously?" she exclaimed in surprise as Carmilla snatched her hand away from the open wound. She gave the vampire a sour look, "I really hate when you do that."

Carmilla released Laura's hand and narrowed her eyes, "Mmhm. Hands off. It isn't sanitary."

Laura couldn't help herself. She laughed. A real honest to goodness laugh. Just like she used to. It made her head pound a little bit, and her stomach was questionable, but inside... it just felt good. Clean somehow. It felt so good that she continued well after what would have been deemed normal by any other person. The look of confusion, then longsuffering patience on Carmilla's face only served to fuel another few minutes of hiccupping giggles and halfhearted apologies. Finally, after a full minute of holding it together, Laura was able to speak normally again.

"I'm sorry! It's just - you telling me something is unsanitary struck me as particularly hilarious. Even you have to admit the irony in that."

Laura could see the smile trying to break free on the perpetually moody vampire's face and was hopeful that it was going to escape but, much to her disappointment, Carmilla wrested control back and set her rebellious lips into a frown instead.

"You laugh now, but let's see what happens when infection sets in and you have a fever of a hundred and four. Bet you'll wish you had listened to me then, hmmmm?"

Laura smirked and responded haughtily, "Uh huh. Just about as much as you wish you'd watched my videos."

The frown stayed in place for all of about two seconds before the rich full sound of Carmilla's own laugh filled the space surrounding them. It was short lived, but it was genuine and it warmed Laura to her core. She missed being the one to make that happen and it felt good to be able to do it again. She met Carmilla's eyes and was surprised to find amusement mixed with a spark of desire hidden in their depths. She felt her own body respond to the unspoken emotion, but hastily pushed the feeling away. Laura was suddenly lightheaded, and she was pretty sure it wasn't from the head trauma.

"Umm, so that book. Maybe I tripped over it or something? Or... wait! There was a noise."

Carmilla, seemingly back to being the unflappable creature that she normally was, frowned, "A noise?"

"Yeah, right before I got knocked out. Well, before I saw you anyway. It was like a – a scraping sort of? Like something being dragged across... something else?" She puffed out air from between her lips in annoyance at not being able to remember and readjusted to a more comfortable position, "I don't know. Maybe something threw it at me?"

Carmilla looked thoughtful for a moment before laying the book down and walking over to the spot she had found Laura. She stood there for a few minutes, head tilted upward, before coming back and sitting down again.

"I think I know what happened."

Laura leaned forward, eager to solve the mystery, "What?"

Carmilla gave a half smile and shrugged one shoulder, "I think the Library sent us a message."

Laura scoffed, "A message? Right. What would the Library be trying to tell us? That we have overdue books?"

Carmilla shook her head in exasperation, "Haven't you been paying attention? I told you. The Library is sentient. It knows things. I think it made this book fall so we would find it."

"Was knocking me out part of its all-knowing plan too, or was that just a bonus?"

Carmilla rolled her eyes and didn't respond to the obvious sarcasm. Instead, she started paging through the large book, scanning each page briefly before moving on to the next. After a few minutes Laura, her curiosity getting the better of her, scooted closer so she could look too. Moments later, she reached out a hand to stop the flipping pages.

"Wait," an entry caught her eye and she tugged the book closer for a better view. "Look at this. _'Unusual behavior exhibited by the one who is possessed may include (but not be limited to): Changes in speech patterns. Changes in wardrobe. Loss of time/memory lapses. Strange dreams. Unusual violence/violent tendencies. Unexplained knowledge of things the individual shouldn't know (e.g. finding an item lost or hidden long before they were ever born) and an uncommon craving for raw steak.'_ Well that's... gross. And weird."

"No weirder than the 300-year-old vampire sitting next to you."

Laura made a sound of agreement and sat back while Carmilla continued to thumb through the pages. Her head was starting to really ache. She closed her eyes and tried to take advantage of the soft seat that had arrived out of nowhere. The cushions under her were a welcome change from the hard floorboards that they had been forced to use the last several days and she was thankful for them – even if she was a little concerned with how they had gotten there. Her stomach was finally settling down when she heard the book close and Carmilla sigh. She opened her eyes.

"Nothing huh?"

Carmilla shook her head and let it fall to the back of the couch in defeat. Laura didn't have much to say about the book, but something else was bothering her. She studied the profile before her and was struck by the thought of the many people that must have let that beauty keep them from seeing the real Carmilla, and what a loss it was for them. But not for Laura, she wouldn't let it be. She decided now was as good a time as any to bring up what was on her mind.

"You came looking for me."

"Of course," The answer was immediate, and spoken with a quiet certainty that touched something inside of her.

"Why?"

Carmilla was silent for a few moments, her face giving nothing away of what she was thinking. Abruptly she leaned forward and rested her elbows on her knees. She sighed and shook her head slowly – not in answer to the question but like she was amazed at what she was about to say.

"Laura, don't you know by now that I still love you?"

Laura sucked in a breath, her heart stuttering in her chest before it started thudding double time. The words struck her with a force she wasn't ready for. She had heard them before of course. Once. Before all of the other stuff happened. After Mattie, she had been certain that Carmilla didn't feel the same any more. Before she could think of a response, Carmilla spoke again, her voice a low and soothing cadence in contrast to Laura's spiraling emotions.

"I loved you;// even now I may confess, // Some embers of my love their fire retain;// But do not let it cause you more distress, // I do not want to sadden you again. // Hopeless and tongue-tied, yet I loved you dearly, // With pangs the jealous and the timid know;// So tenderly I loved you, so sincerely, // I pray God grant another love you so."

As Carmilla fell silent, Laura was waging an internal war between which emotion to feel – joy or sadness. Joy because Carmilla still loved her – her! – or sadness because there were so many things standing in their way and apparently she wanted Laura to find someone else. Finally, she stammered out the first thing she could think of, lest her silence be misinterpreted.

"Carm. That poem is... it's beautiful. But... I don't think someone else could love me the way you do. And... You loving me – Well, that's not something that makes me sad."

Carmilla darted a look at her, and Laura would have had to be blind to miss the sheer amount of vulnerability that was shining in her eyes. It made her forget about the pain in her head, and the dried blood on her cheek, and even the screwed up situation they were in right now. It made her ache to pull the warm body next to her as tightly to her chest as she could and get lost in Carmilla's singular scent. It made her want to cradle Carmilla's face between her palms and brush the stray locks of hair away so she could stare into those deep brown eyes that were so expressive. Laura didn't trust herself to do any of those things and not lose herself in the moment or do something supremely stupid, so instead she just moved closer on the couch and shyly slid her arm around Carmilla's waist. She leaned her head on her shoulder and closed her eyes. The muscles beneath her hand tensed slightly, but then relaxed as their bodies automatically adjusted for one another. A few somewhat intense moments later, spent controlling her urge to do more than just rest against the vampire's warm body, Laura spoke again, her voice soft and belying none of the conflict she was feeling.

"I know I didn't react very well when you told me the first time. It was just... I was surprised. It had only been a month and... it scared me. And it made me angry. I couldn't understand why you refused to help, especially if you loved me."

Carmilla shifted and Laura raised her head and tightened her grip, hoping to convey reassurance through the contact. "Listen. I know I was wrong to ask you to betray Mattie. I'm not the same naïve girl I was at the start of the semester. Just hear me out, okay?"

She waited for the slight nod from Carmilla before she continued. "At the time, I just didn't get it. I guess I didn't really get you. All I knew was your Mother had been a monster, and you and Mattie used to go on killing sprees for fun, and that you had loved Ell and tried to save her... but failed. You never tried to make me understand anything beyond the facts of those things." Laura paused for a minute to let the words sink in. She desperately wanted Carmilla to understand where she had been coming from, and that - even if she had been wrong - it had been for sound reasons. Sitting up, but keeping close contact, she continued, "The only other thing I knew for a fact was that you said you loved me, and then you walked away at the first sign of trouble. You didn't try to talk. You just left. Instead of explaining and trying to work it out... you just...left me."

Carmilla clenched her jaw and drew in a breath. She shifted away from Laura slightly and pulled the hand from around her waist in front of her to clasp it within both of her own, making Laura's heart warm even as it was filled with trepidation. She prepared herself for whatever was coming next. Carmilla looked so serious.

"Laura, when I said I loved you and you didn't even think twice about pushing me to betray Mattie, it hurt. You didn't even acknowledge that I said it, not really. You gave me an ultimatum. It hurt me and I wanted to make you hurt too. I knew the easiest way to do that would be to deny you the thing you desired the most. So... I decided to leave, and in leaving, I withdrew my assistance. I didn't feel like I needed to explain my existence to you when all I was asking you to do was leave my relationship with my sister alone. So, I was angry, and yes I stopped helping, but I never abandoned you. Not really."

Laura nodded in acceptance. She had already come to these conclusions on her own but it was heartening to hear she was right, even if it just made her feel worse. That ever-present bubble of misery that resided in her chest throbbed. She had never felt as terrible about that day as she did right now. It was one thing knowing she had hurt Carmilla, it was another thing to have Carmilla tell her how much she had hurt her. She idly played with their intertwined fingers as she considered what to say next. She could apologize but she didn't think that was what Carmilla needed right now. Besides, there was a bigger elephant in the room that needed to be addressed.

"I know you didn't abandon me for good. You still kept saving me, even after I treated you so badly. And you - you told me how to protect myself. And instead of using the information to keep myself safe, I told Danny the secret to Mattie's invincibility and I betrayed your trust. And now Mattie is dead. And it may as well have been me who killed her."

Laura heard Carmilla suck in a deep draught of air and almost wished she could take back her words and keep this buried along with the hundreds of other things too sensitive to talk about. Before she could even consider trying though, Carmilla spoke.

Her voice was tight but controlled, "I told you about Mattie's locket because of how I feel about you. I couldn't stand the thought of you not being protected. Not after we had had so many close calls already. I told you that in confidence and you... You're right. You betrayed me. But worst of all, you betrayed us. I understand wanting to protect your friends but I thought – I thought I was more than that. I thought that what we have – had - was worth more than that." Carmilla pulled her hands back and rested them on her lap. Laura felt the loss acutely. She twisted her fingers together to keep from reaching out again.

As the seconds ticked by the silence became heavy and oppressive. It was suddenly very obvious that the two were separated by more than just the few physical inches between them. Laura could feel the tension sitting on her chest like a living thing, surrounding her and making it difficult to draw a deep breath. Carmilla was very still, with her head bent and shoulders raised as if in defense. Laura struggled to find the right words, but nothing she thought of seemed appropriate. Eventually she knew she had to speak and the only thing she could think of to say was exactly what she felt – no filter. She wanted to repair this damage and the only way to do that was to be honest.

"What we had – What we _have_ , is worth more than I can even explain. I just... I didn't know it then. I saw everything in black and white, good and evil, right and wrong. All or nothing. I didn't know there was a gray area. And I certainly didn't know that I would be the one on the dark side of the coin by the end." Laura shook her head and absently fingered a loose thread on the cushion between them, trying to gather her words. "If I had then... then maybe I would have listened to you sooner. Or at all. I _should_ have listened to you. You were closer to the truth than any of us the whole time. You were right. Mattie was right. I was being selfish and callow and... I was wrong. I was wrong and I... Carmilla, I'm sorry."

Laura kept her head bowed and fought with the desire to cry with the admission. She had apologized before of course, right after Mattie had been killed, but Carmilla hadn't been in the state of mind to hear her. And things had been so frantic that she wasn't even sure if Carmilla remembered to be honest. She had meant it at the time, but now she felt like she was apologizing for more than just Mattie. Now she was apologizing for everything that had gone bad. All of it ran like an awful B rated movie through her head until she couldn't think straight. The tears burned behind her eyes and still she fought it. She was so sick of crying; it seemed like that was all she ever did anymore. She resolved that she wouldn't do it right now.

Lost in her internal battle she didn't notice Carmilla reaching out to her, so she was surprised when a finger lifted her chin and she was suddenly staring into the liquid-filled eyes of an emotional vampire. Her breath caught and her resolve melted away. She couldn't help the traitorous tears that escaped to slide down her cheeks. Carmilla smiled without much real humor and then bit her lip as a single tear broke free of her own eye and matched course with Laura's. She self-consciously swiped at the offending drop and sniffed, beckoning Laura closer. "Come'ere."

Laura, relieved that she seemed to have said the right thing this time, slid over until she was practically sitting on Carmilla's lap. Carmilla wrapped her arms around her and their bodies molded together as if they were made for each other, just like they always had. Laura took a deep breath to try and stifle her tears again but, resting in Carmilla's embrace, she suddenly couldn't remember why she was trying so hard to be strong. There wasn't anything keeping her from letting go of the aching emotions inside her right now. No one was watching. No one would care if she cried like a baby. Carmilla was here, and holding her, and Laura was safe from all the bad things for at least this moment. With that realization she felt an overwhelming sense of liberation and finally gave up on trying to hold her tears back.

The trickle started coming faster, until there was a steady stream running down her face and dripping from her chin to stain the fabric of Carmilla's t-shirt. Within minutes Laura's chest was heaving with soul wrenching sobs. She fisted her hands into the thin fabric of the shirt and cried like she hadn't been free to do since this whole mess had started. She cried until the bubble of depression and despair that had been hounding her since Mattie had been killed finally dissipated and she could feel something besides sadness again. Laura buried her face in the leather beneath her cheek and wept with no thought of keeping distance, or rules, or how she was probably ruining a perfectly good leather jacket. None of those things mattered right now. Carmilla was holding her and she was safe.

 

#

 

Carmilla, her heart at once soaring and breaking, held Laura securely as she cried and unashamedly let her own tears fall – though in far less quantity than Laura. She had waited a long time for those simple words to be spoken. Laura had freely admitted to being wrong on several occasions, and had in fact apologized right after Mattie had been murdered, but none of those instances touched her the way this one did. Even though there was really no need to apologize again, those plain words felt like a healing balm to an open throbbing wound. Maybe it wasn't a perfect fix, but it was a step in the right direction. Perhaps now they could work their way back to what they once had, and that – more than anything – made Carmilla happy. At the same time, her heart was breaking for this very young, very human, girl who had seen her entire world turned upside down in a brief amount of time and been forced to grow up in ways most people never had to even consider.

Going from a sheltered only child raised by an overprotective father to dating a morally ambiguous vampire and fighting science fiction evil on a daily basis wasn't something people usually experienced in their everyday lives and Laura had handled the whole situation really well. Almost too well. Like maybe it didn't seem entirely real on some level. Not only had she handled it well, she had taken the responsibility of fixing all the campus problems completely onto her own shoulders with no thought of how it would impact her own life.

Carmilla knew that there was an entire conversation they would have to have at some point that addressed that, but now was not the time. When Mattie had been killed, all of those things that Laura had been dealing with on a purely surface level because they were so strange, had suddenly become all too real and Carmilla felt like this breakdown was a long time coming. She was just thankful that it was her that was here when it happened instead of... well instead of anyone else.

As Laura's sobs turned to periodic hitches in breathing and the steady flood of tears slowed to a small trickle, Carmilla wondered what would come next. She hated to admit it but she was a little unsure of herself at this point. Laura had never really let loose quite like this before and it was unfamiliar territory. She tried to think of something to say that wouldn't sound trite, but couldn't think of anything, so instead Carmilla just tightened her grip and placed a chaste kiss on the top of Laura's head, letting her know she was here and wasn't letting go until Laura made her. Fortunately, Carmilla wasn't left wondering what would come next for long.

Laura, still suffering from an occasional hiccup, spoke. Her voice was soft and somehow fragile, "I'm really tired Carm. Can we lie down?"

Carmilla eyed the couch and figured it was big enough for them both if they lay on their sides and didn't move too much but warned Laura first, "I think we can fit – but it's going to be tight. And you shouldn't be sleeping just yet."

"I don't mind."

"Okay." Carmilla untangled herself from Laura and stood up, glancing briefly at her soaked shirtfront. It was slimy with tears and snot and she didn't fancy keeping it on. Oh well, at least it was temperate in this maddening place. She shrugged out of her jacket, which was also messy but could be cleaned off easily – and stripped off her shirt. She balled it up and started wiping her jacket down when she saw Laura staring at her. She looked... well she looked like she was in shock. Worried, Carmilla snapped her fingers in front of Laura's face to break her out of whatever trance she was in.

"Hey. Earth to Laura. Come in Laura."

"Wha...?" Laura stuttered and blinked rapidly, like she was waking from a dream.

Carmilla smirked and continued cleaning up her jacket before sliding it back on and zipping it halfway. She pitched the ruined shirt to the side.

"You okay? You looked like you got lost for a minute there."

"Uh, yeah. I was just thinking."

Carmilla sat back down and carelessly tossed her arm over the other girl's shoulder, making the leather creak in a pleasant way. She pulled her close and asked, "About what?"

Laura turned to look at her and her face was so close Carmilla could feel the puffs of breath dancing across her cheeks as she spoke. Her voice was sincere when she answered, "About how beautiful you are. And how much I miss you."

Carmilla froze. That was unexpected. She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out so she shut it again. She felt heat crawling up her neck and into her face and was slightly mortified. 334-year-old vampires did not blush. It was absurd. Except, she was. Leave it to Laura to make her feel like a teenager again. The girl really was one of a kind.

Long seconds passed as Carmilla tried to come up with the right thing to say. The words hung between them like some sort of white flag on a battlefield. All it would take was for Carmilla to accept the truce and the what-might-have-been could become a reality. She could feel it. The expectation was thick. Neither of them had moved; they were still mere inches apart and Carmilla found herself staring into Laura's golden eyes until they were all she could see. A familiar light was shining in them and Carmilla was reminded of the last time they were this close, as well as what had followed. She could hear Laura's heartbeat increase and they were so near one another that she could see her pupils rapidly dilate. Her eyes automatically darted to Laura's lips and she could see Laura's do the same to hers. Anxiety overwhelmed her. What if this was too soon? What if this messed everything up? In her growing panic she felt compelled to speak.

"Laura, I don't – "

Before she had a chance to finish her sentence Laura had closed the space between them and pressed her lips against Carmilla's own and all thoughts of protesting were gone. All that existed in this moment were the supple lips sliding against hers and the familiar feel of hands undoing her bun and burrowing into her hair as it fell around her shoulders. Carmilla raised one hand to cup Laura's cheek while the other slipped around her waist to pull her even closer. They both shifted for a better angle and Laura was left straddling Carmilla's lap – which was perfectly acceptable to both parties. Carmilla's tongue darted out and barely grazed Laura's bottom lip and she was rewarded with a deep sigh and a stutter of Laura's heart. Carmilla allowed herself to grin into the kiss and within moments Laura was smiling too. As often happened, the kiss broke because of it and they were once again looking at each other, this time without all of the heavy baggage in the way. Once she had calmed her swirling emotions and tamed the boisterous smile back into a smug grin, Carmilla spoke.

"What was that for?"

Laura smiled shyly and shrugged, "It was a thank you. For letting me lose it like that. And an apology for your shirt. And your jacket. And maybe it was a little bit of a welcome back?" Carmilla didn't dare respond yet. She couldn't quite believe her ears. Laura rushed on to cover the silence, "Because, you know, I miss you and no one else makes me feel the way you do, and maybe you don't miss me the way I miss you but you said you still love me and I thought that maybe since we've had time to talk about some of the things we needed to that maybe, if you wanted to we could – "

"Cupcake," Carmilla interrupted the nervous rambling before the poor girl hurt herself.

"What?"

"Are you asking me if I still want to be with you?"

"Well – Yes."

Carmilla, heart soaring, finally let the smile that she had been fighting during the endearing speech break free. She shook her head in wonder and gently cupped Laura's face between her hands. She leaned in for a soft kiss, chuckled, and carefully pressed her forehead to Laura's, conscious of the knot, "You really are a lunatic aren't you?"

Laura laughed and stuck her tongue out at the vampire, "If I am, it's because you made me that way."

"Oh really? How's that?"

Laura pulled back and grinned, "I was never really insane except upon occasions when my heart was touched."

Carmilla snorted with derision, "Poe? Really? You can't do any better than that?"

Laura swatted the vampire's arm, "Fine, I'll leave the sappy poetry quotes to you from now on."

"Good idea."

Carmilla gripped Laura firmly around the waist and, more quickly and gracefully than should have been possible, flipped them both around so that they were lying side by side on the couch encompassed in each other's arms. Laura's small gasp of surprise made Carmilla smirk. She settled into the embrace and reveled in the softness of the girl in her arms. Laura was always so warm and inviting. She was like the sun, except you could stare at her all day and your eyes wouldn't bleed – which was fortunate because Carmilla had a habit of doing exactly that. As a matter of fact –

"What are you staring at?"

Carmilla smiled and brushed a strand of hair away from the wound on Laura's forehead, "You."

     Their eyes met and Carmilla could hear Laura's breath catch and her heart start to pound. She brushed a thumb over her cheek and started to ask why, when Laura captured her hand and held it to her lips, silencing her momentarily.

"Hey Carm?"

"Hmm?"

"I think..."

Carmilla quirked an eyebrow in question. Laura looked scared and for a moment Carmilla was worried she was going to have another breakdown, but that thought was quelled with the next words spoken in a whisper so low she wasn't sure she had heard correctly.

 

#

 

"What was that?" Carmilla asked, her voice suddenly weak.

Laura cleared her throat and forced herself to look into Carmilla's eyes. She could see confusion, and hope, and fear, all mixed together in those depths and she could only hazard a guess at what Carmilla could see in hers. Her heart was beating out of her chest and her stomach was lodged somewhere in her throat, but she had to get this out. She mentally braced herself and repeated her last sentence, "I said, I think I might be in love with you."

Carmilla was silent and so many emotions flickered across her face so quickly that Laura couldn't keep up. She was already second-guessing herself. Maybe she shouldn't have said anything until she was sure? Laura didn't know how this all worked really. She had never been in love before. Carmilla finally spoke and her voice was husky with emotion, "Laura, you know I don't expect you to say it just because I did right? I mean, it's not necessary."

"I know. That's why I said I think I might, because I don't really know. I've never done this before. I love my dad and my..." she stuttered over the next word, "...mom, and I love my friends, but with you... It's a different feeling. I was sad when Danny died, and I cried. But if I think about how I would have felt if it had been you – Well, I can't even explain how much just the thought of that breaks me inside."

Laura paused to catch her breath and reached up to brush her knuckles across Carmilla's smooth pale cheek. Her fingers trailed down her jawline to her neck and found a strand of hair. Laura smiled dreamily and twined the lock around her fingers, trying to think of the best way to express how she felt, "When I'm not with you, I miss you. And when I'm with you I just want to be close to you. I feel alive like I never have before when you touch me. You're always on my mind. Sometimes it's scary, but mostly it just makes me feel good. And I never feel safer than when I'm with you. You make everything okay somehow – even when it isn't."

Laura stopped talking and examined Carmilla's face, trying to gauge how her confession was being received. What she saw were dark hopeful eyes and a soft smile. That smile that Carmilla saved especially for her. It made her stomach twist in the most pleasant of ways. Almost as if reading her mind – or perhaps her body, which was entirely possible - Carmilla's eyes darkened and Laura felt the pleasant twist turn into a familiar pull from somewhere distinctly south of her stomach. The pull became a tingle and the tingle traveled like lightning throughout her body.

Instinctively, Laura drew even closer and pressed their foreheads together as best she could, so that they were breathing one another's air. Their bodies were so close that it was hard to tell where one ended and the other began. Laura slipped her hand beneath the jacket and sighed at the feel of the warm, smooth skin of Carmilla's back. Laura heard the sharp intake of breath at the touch of skin on skin and it encouraged her to continue, even though she knew that now was probably not the time for this. She draped her leg over the other girl's and tugged her even closer, causing Carmilla's thigh to lodge in a decidedly non-PG location. The contact drew an anticipatory gasp from Laura and made Carmilla's grip shift so that one hand clasped Laura's hip and the other – wedged as it was underneath her – to somehow make its way under her shirt. The feel of Carmilla's skin on hers made the desire that was until that moment only teasing her blaze up. Laura, caught up in the sensations, quickly started crossing the few inches separating their lips with the intention of kissing Carmilla until neither of them could breathe properly. She was abruptly stopped by Carmilla pulling away, slightly out of breath and eyes burning with suppressed desire.

"We can't do this right now."

"Why the hell not?"

Carmilla huffed and pulled back a little bit more, but kept her hands firmly in place, "Because, you have a head injury that really needs to be cleaned up and with our luck your little ginger friend would probably show up at an exceptionally embarrassing time and I would be forced to kill them. You wouldn't want that now would you?"

Laura pouted intensely for a minute before finally sighing and giving in, "Fine, but only on one condition."

"You have a condition?"

Laura nodded with a playful smile.

Carmilla sighed, "Okay, let's hear it."

Laura’s voice took went from playful to unbelievably sultry in the span of mere seconds, “We find another very secluded spot, sometime very soon, when LaF is very asleep, and then make up like a proper couple. Repeatedly."

Carmilla's grin lit up her whole face and she leaned in to drop a peck on the tip of Laura's nose, "Count on it."

Laura's heart was full as the duo slowly and reluctantly untangled themselves to begin the trek back to the bathroom, so Laura could get cleaned up. They linked hands and started away and Laura realized perhaps the best thing of all. She no longer felt that horrible bubble in her chest that had dogged her for so long now. Sure, she was still plenty troubled by the past, but she didn't feel like an emotional cripple anymore. Carmilla was with her again – really with her – and they had talked. Things weren't perfect by any means, but they had time to work through everything like adults now that the really big stuff was out in the open. And with Carmilla by her side, she felt like she could do practically anything. Speaking of –

"Carm?"

"Hmm?"

"Shouldn't we bring that weird book with us? If the Library really is trying to tell us something, we may need it."

"Oh yeah, I'll get it. You okay to wait here?"

Laura nodded and wrapped her arms around herself to combat the sudden loss of company and glanced around at the bookshelves. The titles all seemed to blur together into a mass of letters and symbols that made no sense. Not for the first time she lamented the lack of a contemporary fiction section in the mighty labyrinth and thought of how much easier time would have passed if she had had any books from this generation to read. She was still thinking about it when Carmilla appeared at her side once again, giant mystery book tucked under her arm. Laura took the opportunity to complain.

"What kind of library doesn't have a contemporary fiction section anyway?"

Carmilla snagged her hand again and tugged her toward the last known location of the elusive bathroom, "The kind that has good taste?"

Laura's jaw dropped in shock. Had Carmilla just insulted the last hundred years of literature? "I'll have you know – "

Carmilla smirked and cut her off, "Save me your dissertation on _Harry Potter,_ JK. Let's find that bathroom and get you cleaned up."

Laura clamped her mouth shut and silently sulked for the long minutes it took to find the familiar door to the washroom. Her thoughts were filled with names like Toni Morrison, Maya Angelou, Margaret Atwood, and John Updike but she kept them to herself as they made their way through the twisting rows. The worn door finally appeared and they pushed their way inside, only to be startled by a very rumpled and disheveled looking Lafontaine. Laura was slightly amazed to see them doing something other than mumbling and wringing their hands but recovered quickly.

"Hey LaF."

The ginger didn't even seem surprised to see them, just resigned. Their voice was rough with exhaustion when they spoke.

"Hey. What happened to you?"

Laura realized she must look just as scruffy as LaF except with the addition of blood. She tucked her hair behind her ear and shrugged.

"The Library started throwing books around again. Lucky shot."

LaF nodded knowingly, "I think it's trying to drive me mad. It keeps saying things – crazy things...impossible things..." They trailed off with a faraway look in their eyes that concerned Laura. Before she could say anything, Carmilla spoke up.

"Well, seems like it's doing a good job. You look as if Hell spit you out like a bad appetizer."

Laura elbowed her in the side and made a face. Carmilla quickly amended her statement, "By which I mean; you look like you could use a good rest and then we can talk it over."

LaF nodded without enthusiasm and continued to glance around fearfully. Laura stepped around them and walked to the sink, her earlier feelings of joy at her and Carmilla's reunion fading somewhat. She adjusted the temperature and pulled a few paper towels from the holder. As she got ready to wash up, she spoke to LaF, "Carmilla seems to have some idea about what's going on. Maybe we can all sit down and see if we can come up with some sort of plan. That book might be a clue. Want to meet us in a few minutes and talk about it over brain gummies and chocolate bars?"

LaF nodded again and, for once, took the hint, "Yeah, sure. I'll just be - wherever. You know."

Carmilla and Laura both watched as the bio major exited. They shared a look. The red head really wasn't adjusting well to their situation. Carmilla dropped the book on the floor and stepped to the sink, testing the temperature and taking one of the paper towels Laura had pulled out. She dampened it and added a little soap.

"This might sting some."

Laura nodded and scrunched her face in anticipation of pain but it didn't really sting. It was just super sore. She took the opportunity to observe Carmilla as she worked.

There were little lines of concentration etched into her forehead as she gingerly dabbed and patted her way around the knot. Her eyes were focused on what she was doing and kept darting down to determine the amount of pain she was inflicting on her patient and adjusting her pressure accordingly. Her lips were turned down into a small frown and Laura couldn't help but smile. Carmilla noticed and paused her ministrations.

"What are you smiling at?"

"You, being all nurturing and worried. It's cute. You really are a hero, you know."

Carmilla rolled her eyes in exasperation and went back to her task, "Not that heroic vampire crap again Laura. How many times do I have to tell you – "

Laura grabbed Carmilla's hand and forced her to meet her eyes again. She couldn't help smiling wider at her obvious annoyance. "I know. You aren't the hero of this piece. I get it. What I meant was, you're my personal hero. No matter what else happens, you'll always be that."

Carmilla's face relaxed its tension and a smile worked its way onto her lips. She responded with something that sounded like relief, "I think I can handle that." Her face lost all amusement and Laura's stomach dropped to the floor with sudden apprehension. What now?

Carmilla continued, her voice as serious as Laura had ever heard it, "But I. Am not. Cute. I am a vampire. Vampires are not cute. Ever."

 Carmilla wagged a finger to emphasize her point and Laura composed her face into the most serious expression she could manage and quashed the urge to collapse into a fit of giggles, "Not cute. Of course. Got it. My mistake. Won't happen again."

"Better not," Carmilla mumbled and made one last tender swipe with the paper towel then stepped away, "There. Now you finish up and we'll go meet up with Bill Nye Jr. and try to figure out what's going on."

Laura brushed a soft kiss across vampire lips and turned to the mirror. She took in her own appearance and, with a deep sigh and fervent wish for a comb, began to make herself presentable for the upcoming brainstorming session. Meanwhile, Carmilla leaned against the wall and eyed her like her next meal. Which was something Laura would not be averse to. At all. If only they could get LaF to go to sleep...

 

FIN (for now...)


	2. Not a real chapter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just updating so it will not be be buried in November works

Not a real chapter, the next will be a stand alone. Sorry for any confusion!


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